


Retrogade

by leiaso1o



Series: Breatheverse [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, F/M, Han Solo Lives, Han Solo and Leia are bi, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, M/M, Poe Dameron is an Honorary Solo, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Solo, Rey is Ben's Sister, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-06 01:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15184211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiaso1o/pseuds/leiaso1o
Summary: Retrogade: when a celestial object moves in the reverse sense of 'normal' motion.Sometimes, luck happens in your favor. Sometimes, something survives against all odds, even if it takes a while to get back to how it was and how it should be.Sometimes, you make it out of something that you shouldn't. Maybe you're a bit damaged, yes, but you get to be with the people you love, after you thought it was all over. Sometimes you get that sweet feeling of taking back your goodbyes or just hugging your family extra hard to make up for all the times you almost didn't.The Solo-Organa family is very familiar with this.Ben Solo survived after almost being entirely consumed inside by being Kylo Ren, Leia Organa-Solo survived being thrown into space. Rey Solo survived being kidnapped and sold into practical slavery, even making it back to her family. The Resistance survived the loss of its ships, and almost all of the people who kept it afloat.What if that's not all that survived?(A universe in which bad things still happen, and people still struggle, but oftentimes it works out okay. People get to heal. Love, romantic and familial, persists. And above all, sometimes, people get to breathe.)





	1. To Heal

Things had been slowly returning to normal for the Resistance.

After Holdo had sacrificed herself to give the Resistance a little bit of time to get to Crait and regroup, the Millenium Falcon had landed on the planet- bringing Rey, Chewbacca, and two new arrivals. The First Order had attempted to make an attack but the ships simply bumbled around confusedly in the horizon, not knowing precisely what to do because of the situation with the  _ leaders. _

The First Order was, quite obviously, lead by its Supreme Leader Snoke, however, he had been killed. Below the rank of Snoke were 3 colleagues, known as General Hux, Captain Phasma, and Lord Kylo Ren. The rules for succession were simple, if rather barbaric. After Snoke died or otherwise was no longer be the Supreme Leader, the one of the three who showed the most  _ dominance _ and simply took the role of Supreme Leader was to be it. However, there was absolutely nothing set in place for the type of event that had occured. Kylo Ren had killed Snoke, had Rey’s assistance in leaving to join the Rebellion, and had brought General Hux along with him. There was a fight between Phasma and a Stormtrooper who had rebelled, ending with the Captain being reported dead. Although- there is a difference between being assumed dead, and being proved as such.

Once they had regrouped on Crait, what remained of the Resistance after a long fight with heavy casualties piled into the Corellian freighter affectionately dubbed the Millenium Falcon and made their way to a safer place, one where there were allies to the Resistance who would provide them safety, and provide as a receiving place for new Rebel ships.

As such, they arrive at the gas mining colony known as Cloud City. Normally, the guards of the colony would board ships and ask for identification before entering, but  _ everyone _ has heard about this specific ship from the head of the colony, Lando Calrissian. 

From the freighter, the first person to emerge is, quite obviously, General Leia Organa, with a light blue QT unit, a model quite like the BB series but designated for therapeutic use trailing behind her. At the age of 48, she no longer looks the same as the last time she had arrived here- all those years ago. That was back before she had had Rey, before Benjamin, back when she mainly just traveled with her brother Luke Skywalker, and the man who she would marry. Who knew? But, now, hair greying, still the same height but no longer bothering to wear heels, she still holds all the grace that she had back then, backed with the experiences of motherhood and war. A similar smile to those days graces her face when she meets eyes with Lando.

_ “Leia!”  _ He was out to the ship dock as soon as he had caught word of their arrival, quickly moving to hug the woman who he had not seen in far too long. “How are you! You should have told me you were coming, I would have prepared, who’ve you brought with you?”

“..Well.” Pulling back a little to meet the man’s eyes, the General sees no point in lying. “This ship’s all we’ve got left of the rebellion. The First Order got a hold of us, most of our men are dead, but I survived. Somehow. And we brought them down.”

Lando stares for a moment. “What’s the  _ First Order?” _

_ “...What kind of rock have you lived under for the past 8 years?” _

“It’s not a rock, Princess, it’s called living in the Outer Rim.” He looks past Leia for a moment, watches as people begin to exit the Falcon. First, it’s some sort of pilot, holding the hand of a man, followed by a boy with a scar on his face and a Ginger carrying a  _ cat _ .- “Most intergalactic governments don’t even really tend to mess with us until they’ve fought or conquered almost every other planet, despite the fact that we’re a pretty powerful economic power..-”

“..Good. That’s why we came here. I really, really need to cash in a favor, we need to build up our power again, our fleet, our troops..” She looks back as the last of the Rebellion exits the ship. “Here we are. This is every one of us, and I’m related to a good percentage of them. Things aren’t looking good, Lando, but we shouldn’t need to be here long.”

The man just smiles, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You’re my guests, make yourselves at home.”

During the next weeks, they do just that. They clean up- a fresh haircut, new shampoo, and his own clothes make Benjamin Solo look like  _ Ben _ again rather than Kylo Ren- they receive donations and purchases, of ships and goods, and of course, the galaxy is behind them. The Rebellion has its’ friends, even in the darkest and most unknown of places. New recruits arrive. They begin to heal.

Of course, people have catching up to do. Ben and his sister, Rey, have much they’ve both missed, and Ben has to try and find out how to live on his own after 8 long years of being a puppet. Armitage Hux has to find his own identity outside of war and the First Order. Leia, finally, has a moment to breathe. She needs to bring Luke to her. She needs to figure out how to live without-

“...Where’s Han? Luke?” Lando eases into the subject one night, two weeks after the arrival, over dinner and glasses of wine with his best friend’s wife. “I’ve never seen you without them, then here you come, a ship packed full of people, you bring your son and daughter who I’ve never met since the boy was a baby, but not them.”

Leia gives a soft sigh, tucking back a strand of hair that somehow managed to escape from its’ carefully done updo, swirling the remaining liquid in her glass before drinking it. “The First Order, the one you’ve never heard of.. They haven’t exactly been kind to my family.”

He knows, then, that maybe he shouldn’t have asked.

“They took my son from me,” she continues, “and I have a feeling they were the ones who took my daughter too. They’re okay now, and I’m glad I have them again, but.. Benjamin is 25 now. He was 17 when I last saw him, and with Rey, it has been 11 years. She was 7 when they took her. I missed a lot of time with my kids, and I’m not in the shape to pop out another one.” She chuckles a little at her own joke… “Luke, he blames himself, now he hides on his own planet with the Jedi texts. Han… He was killed. The First Order killed him months ago, and I haven’t even had the time to grieve yet. I’ve been too busy winning wars, being the General..”

Lando glances up at the lights. They were already installed in the space, normally a formal meeting room but he found it fun to bring personal dinners here too, and the story was that they were handcrafted by and bought from the natives of Alderaan. That was where Leia grew up, he knew. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being a leader. I know that I have.”

...She chuckles gently, momentarily closing her eyes. “The Resistance doesn’t take breaks, Calrissian. I can’t either.”

That night, while everyone was sleeping soundly, an alarm went off- wakening everyone to the news that a First Order Special Forces TIE fighter had forced its’ way into the landing bay. Of course, this meant  _ bad news. _ Not only had the First Order located them, there was a leader to send this fighter out to them,  _ and there was a deadly ship in the bay. _ Soldiers make their way down, as well as, despite valid advice that she shouldn’t, General Leia with her blaster, her Pilot, and her support droid. Poe Dameron is still partially asleep, and is looking at Leia like she’s a madwoman, when someone announces that the doors to the ship have opened. All with weapons ready them, primed to shoot-

Except, it’s no First Order pilot who steps out.

It’s Han Solo.

Leia practically almost has a heart attack right then and there, dropping her blaster to the ground, soldiers lowering their weapons at the command of Lando. The pair stare at each other for a moment before the General rushes forward, hugging Han tighter than ever, height naturally having her bury her face into his chest. Just like normal. Just as if he had never been gone.

..Han just smiles, closing his eyes and stroking his wife’s hair.  _ “It’s been a hell of a time.” _


	2. to stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han and Leia do a little bit of catching up.

“How did you do it? How are you still alive?”

Now, Leia and Han were the ones who had catching up to do. They had somewhat unofficially separated 8 years ago when the tragedy at Luke’s training with Ben had happened, grief and loss finally causing them to go their own ways. Leia’s mental health plummeted from it’s already low, she was given a therapy and service droid. But.. now, everything was okay. It was calmer. Still hard, but calmer, and maybe they could heal, because the Force knows that they had missed each other ridiculously.

He had been presumed dead for 6 months by the hands of their son, although it wasn’t truly the boy who had done it- his mind was being toyed with. But there were certain facts about his death that Leia had known, as they had been tearfully told to her by Rey. He had received Ben’s lightsaber through his abdomen, hand on his son’s face, before he plummeted possibly thousands of feet down Starkiller Base. This seemed absolutely unsurvivable, not to mention, when it happened, Leia had a  _ feeling  _ that she had attributed to the Force. She knew something terrible had happened. She cried.

“Well,” he begins, “I sold my pants to a Stormtrooper.”

_“What?”_ _  
_ “Really.” He grins, having been wanting to tell her this story for months. Here, finally, he sits on the bed in the room that Lando has allowed Leia to stay in, the woman cuddled up into his arms. He’d finally been fed well, had a shower, clean clothes. _Finally._ “You see, Lightsabers, damned things, they’re hot. Very hot. Hurt like hell, I went into a bit of a shock, but it somewhat cauterized everything so I wasn’t bleeding out, right?”

“But then you fell for a mile-”

“Fun fact I found out, Starkiller base has a gravity suspension field in the bottom of the pit in the case of falling tools, weapons, valuables, and… apparently people.”

“...oh.-”

“I knew that the planet was about to be destroyed, I was part of the plan, you know? So I got out of the gravity suspension field, and I find a Stormtrooper with his helmet off, which I thought was weird- but then I go ‘hey, the guy’s weird anyways, maybe I can strike up a deal!’ So I go over to him, barely conscious, and I tell him I’ll give him my pants and the contents of my pockets if he can get me on a medical ship and give me his identification.”

The General blinks. “And it worked? Well, obviously it did, but-”

“It worked. I get on the transport to take me to the actual medical base, I’m half naked and they get me over there in no time. I take the identity of the Stormtrooper, again, I had his identification, they throw me in a Bacta tank. Works wonders, doesn’t it? I get woken up a month later, I feel great. Only thing is I have scars at the entry and exit, remind me to show you-”

“I certainly will-”

“So, they wake me up, and here’s the thing. They found out that I’m not actually this Stormtrooper guy, because he’s been seen elsewhere. I hightail it out of there, in a hospital gown, still using his ID to get around. I board a transport to the main ship, whatever it’s called..”

“The Finalizer?”

“Yeah, that.- From there, I got my hands on a Special Forces TIE. I’ll have to show you it, it’s the biggest TIE fighter I’ve ever seen, and you know I’ve seen a few. It’s got two seats in it!”

“Oh, I know.” Leia laughs- “Poe and Finn stole one to get out of there too. Really, they didn’t keep those locked up better? One’s luck, two’s being stupid..-”

Han smiles, stroking the woman’s hair. She’d undone her hair before asking about his story, letting down the rarely seen long locks. “..I didn’t actually get one out of the dock, I found one in the repair bay. Little did I know, the ship had a few issues, like… the navigation was out, and it wouldn’t go into hyperspace, and I had no time to sit down and fix it. I just had to get out of there. I took it as far as the fuel in it would take me, which was a good few star systems- keep in mind I’m still in a hospital gown at this point- and I land in Coronet City Spaceport. Funny, I haven’t been there since I was just a kid, you know... I actually managed to travel for two solid weeks before I ran out of fuel..-”

“You were in Corellia?” She pauses, thinking. “We’re on Bespin, that’s still  _ ages _ away, out in the Galactic Core..-”

“That’s where the extra 4 and a half months come in.” He grins- “I’m still practically naked, I’ve been living in the tiny quarters in the back of a TIE fighter. A big one, but still, a tiny ship class. I have no credits, because all of my things were in my pants, which I sold so I could be alive. I make my way over to Blue Sector, and I.. do what I had to do.”

“Oh Force..-”

“Promise that you won’t get mad at me? Really, there was only one thing I could think of to do, and-”

“As long as you make it up to me.”

“..I find a human man who looks similar in size to me, I sleep with him so that I can take his clothes and some cash while he’s asleep.-” He rolls his eyes at Leia’s giggles- “What can I say? I’ve still got it, I wasn’t about to get arrested for public nudity, and I have some credits to get me going.”

“Alright, lover boy, but you’re still going to have to make it up to me. Sleeping with a man to steal his clothes..-” Leia teases, moving to lay her head in his lap, because she’s damn tired.

“Believe me, I will when I show you the scar.” He continues stroking Leia’s hair, looking down at her in his lap. “...So, the coins that I snatched from the guy’s apartment weren’t close to enough to refuel a TIE fighter, much less to get the parts for the repairs I’d have to make. See, there’s a popular trade route going from Corellia all the way past the Outer Rim called the Corellian Trade Spire that I could follow without nav’, no issue, but I’d have to make, at the least, hyperspace jumps between planets so I could make stops, clean up, and restock. ..I had to get a job, is what I’m saying.”

“Did you get to show off your smuggling talents?”

“Well.. somewhat. I knew that there was this huge ship junkyard, and I could go in there, raid the ships, and sell the valuables on the Black Market. This got me a good bit, gambling helped too, and the fact that I'm a little famous there, but I had to save up for a while, because I had to spend some of it on seedy hotels so that I didn’t collapse of exhaustion. And a couple changes of clothes.” He sighs a little.. “So, takes me three months to afford repairs, refueling, and have the money for the couple more refuels I’d have to make on the trail. Then, two weeks went into actually making the repairs on the ship, because I’m not too familiar with TIE fighters, especially not the new ones.”

“A month in the Bacta tank, two weeks travel, three months earning enough money, then two weeks repairs. It took you a month to make it all the way out here, hm?”

“..And now I’m here, safe, and with you again.” Han Solo smiles. “..I love you.”

“I know,” she gives a small sigh before smiling in return, “and I’ll always love you back. While you were gone, I almost died, floated unprotected through space, and got our boy back. Impressive enough for you?”

“More than impressive enough.” Han bends down to press his lips to his wife’s, she automatically rests her hand on the back of his head.

Things have been terrible, yes. Their world had been torn apart and sewn back together so many times, in so many different ways, but finally, maybe, things were going to feel okay again. Not the same, it will never be exactly the same, but still good.

Because Han Solo swears he’ll never leave again.


	3. in silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han Solo can't sleep.

Han Solo just couldn’t sleep.

His wife slept peacefully, curled against him with her head on his bare chest, but he couldn’t bring himself to move her away, so now he’s just laying here. The rooms which Lando had provided were likely extra soldier’s quarters, he wasn’t sure as he hadn’t had the chance to look around the block they were in yet- Leia had simply taken him to her room. And, added to that, the walls were rather thin, so if he reached over and flipped off the noise dampener, he could hear just about every ambient noise in Cloud City. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, he hears distant parties (obviously not in the part occupied by the Resistance), rumbles of engines, someone in a distant room is apparently unaware that they snore because they didn’t turn on their noise dampener.. It doesn’t seem like the sun is ever going to rise. He busies himself by playing with Leia’s hair, gently, not going to disturb her..

Really, these were the times that reminded him how hopelessly in love he was with General Leia Organa. He’s perfectly happy just laying here in the dark playing with her hair, though he wishes it were morning, he could hear about what happened while he was gone, hear about Ben, about Rey..

Han had married Leia 3 months after the celebration of the fall of the Galactic Empire on Endor. Very, very specifically. He had proposed to her on Endor, in the dark of the hut they were spending the night together in, and she had accepted, but both he and Leia were so busy putting together and proposing treaties and the like that an actual wedding couldn’t have been further off of their mind.

Until, two months after the celebration, Leia had been particularly off that day. Han leaned in to kiss her, she pushed him away, and, slapped a pregnancy test into his hand before she stormed off. It was so cute to watch that he  _ almost  _ didn’t panic when he figured out what exactly that meant. Leia insisted that they had to get married now, before she started showing, because she wanted the baby to have Han’s last name. Alderaanian society was matriartical, but she didn’t want her child to grow up with her last name. Organa was the name of royalty, of a political power, and she wanted him to be able to make whatever choices in life he wanted, as long as they weren’t  _ too _ stupid.

..Her Force stuff meant that she somehow figured out that Ben was going to be a boy pretty early on, and they set up the naming protocol. When they had baby boys, he and Luke would choose the name, and Leia would approve. With girls, Leia and her best friend Holdo would choose, and he would approve. Of course, they would only end up having one of each, but it was a fun thing.

Speaking of, Han had never really gotten into all that Force stuff. If you asked him, it was really just some load of bullshit made up by some old men who thought that they held more power than everyone else. Even after Luke and the old man, the one who he’d eventually name his son after, hired him… Han still didn’t quite believe it was more than a bunch of magic tricks. Not even later on, when Luke had gotten more skilled, after his training with some green guy he talks about, not even when Luke and Leia had their creepy twin senses, not when Leia could tell the gender of her kids far before technology could! It took for him to see his kids, as  _ babies, _ throwing shit around with their mind, for him to finally just come to terms with it. He still doesn’t really believe, he just.. Lives beside it. Simply as that.

The little blue droid which he had thought was powered down in the corner of the room suddenly gives a beep, startling Han, which causes Leia to shift a little- but she quickly settles back down. It was her therapy droid, designated QT-37, who had never been particularly fond of Han. Really, though, most droids didn’t prefer him, but they always seemed to like Leia. R-2, Threepio,  _ this one _ , even most animals... He frowns at the droid, speaking quietly.  _ “Yes, it’s me again, I can take care of her. You almost woke her up, you know--” _

_ … “I’ve known her longer than you have, I was there when her doctor sent you home with us, I know about her medications.” … “Okay, look, I get it, I’m sure you’re annoyed with me for leaving, can we just talk in the morning or something?-” _ And, the droid gives a noise of annoyed compliance before powering back down, leaving Han alone again to stroke Leia’s hair and stare at the ceiling.

He was aware that he had aged a little more smoothly than his wife had. She was just as beautiful to him as always, and Leia never seemed to mind, simply accepting that she was aging and taking it gracefully, but it was  _ true. _ The stress had hit her much harder than it had him, because he was never the public figure behind it all while Han could always escape to Chewie and his old life smuggling in the Falcon. In fact, if he was, the stress would probably just go ahead and kill him. But, aside from physical differences, came more difficulties. Leia’s mental problems were well managed most of the time, a few pills in the morning and, after Ben had turned, a therapy droid. Her leg had started to bother her on some days- not most, but when it acted up, she had to bring a cane just in case. Sometimes, sometimes, he wishes that he could take it all away from her, because he’d gladly hurt instead of her.

_ “Han…?”  _ Leia gives a soft yawn, rubbing at her eyes before looking up at him and giving a small smile.  _ “You’re still here..” _

“Of course I’m here, why wouldn’t I be?” He smiles and continues to stroke her hair, but internally, his heart drops. He knows exactly why he might not be here, and that’s because he’s left in the past.

He won’t. He won’t again.

_ “I don’t know..” _ She gives a gentle sigh, moving her hand to rest on his chest as well.  _ “I missed you. I missed you, so much.. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m glad I have my husband again.” _

“...Leia? I know you’re probably just half awake, but can I tell you something?”

_ “Yeah, sure, go for it..” _

“So.. Look. I know I’ve made a lot of promises before, I’m sure you associate me with makin’ promises I can’t keep. ...Half of me is a hopeless romantic and half of me is, well, an asshole. But I want to try and be more of a romantic and a little less of an asshole. I promise that the next time I leave you, one of us is gonna be dead. Not- not in an ominous way, I mean.. I made a promise to you when you let me marry you. I said I wasn’t going to leave you, as long as we’re alive, and I’m letting you know I’m swearing to that from now on, okay? I’m not gonna leave you ever again.”

..The woman smiles, moving to gently kiss him before laying back down.  _ “I trust you.” _

“You shouldn’t.-”

_ “I know.”  _ Leia gives a soft yawn, closing her eyes again.  _ “I know you haven’t slept tonight, I can feel it. Is that why? Do you feel guilty? Because, I promise, you don’t have to feel guilty. We both buried ourselves into our work when they took Rey then Snoke took Ben, and my work isn’t your work. I missed you, but I understood.” _

“That isn’t going to happen ever again. What’s yours is mine, Princess, that’s what marriage means. I’m not too good at commitment, I’ll admit it, but I’m getting better. Because I love you.” He sighs gently, continuing to stroke her hair.

_ “Relax, Captain Solo.” _ Han blinks at the old title, and Leia smiles against his chest.  _ “You’re forgiven. I’m your wife, we’re going to be together forever now, cheesy at it is, because.. Believe me, I’m not letting you go anywhere. Get some sleep now, okay?” _

He nods, comforted, and he finally allows himself to relax.

“Okay.”

And, finally, after hours, he sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> (Ages have been adjusted in this universe. Yes, I know the canon ages of all characters, and all timelines have been preserved, just modified to fit the story in the long run.)


End file.
